Resurfacing

Slowly but surely I am re-entering the blogging world.  So, to anyone who reads this...(Hi mom!)...i'm sorry it's taken me sooo long.  I really do feel a little guilty.  What have I been up to?  In the past 2 months I graduated, was a part of two weddings,  had my own wedding, honeymooned for a week, moved to Dallas, and found a job.  It seems that I like to get most of my big life events over with at one time.

I guess the most important thing to tell you about is  my wedding.  IT. WAS. PERFECT.  My only complaint was that I wish it didn't go by so fast.  I keep replaying memories from that day over and over again in my mind, like i'm rewinding a video tape.  The people, the place, the flowers, the breeze (thank you God for that breeze!)...everything was beautiful.  David and I agree that we wouldn't have changed a single thing about it.

The whole day I felt completely calm, relaxed, and happy.  The only time I was nervous was right before I was about to walk down the aisle  (and then of course I felt the sudden urge to use the bathroom). The best part of the day was standing up there and saying my vows to David; it was pure joy.  Afterward we proceeded to an awesome reception where we had BBQ, beer, and lots and lots of dancing (oh man, you should look forward to seeing those photos).

It's hard to put into words on here how great that day is in my mind, the seriousness of how much it means to us, and just simply how much fun David and I both had.  We feel overwhelmed with the love that the Lord has showered upon us. 

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever."

Get excited, because the next couple of upcoming posts will include: pictures from the wedding (I don't know how i'm going to narrow down which ones to put up here), pictures from the honeymoon, and probably some good recipes as well!

And I promise to try to be a more dedicated blogger. Forgive me once again.

Busy bee

It's been a while since I updated last, I felt like I needed to let you recover from that cupcake recipe. MMM.  Moving on...

I ran my first 5k this weekend! I know this might not be a big deal to anyone, but it is to me!  I really don't enjoy running...maybe it's the swimmer inside of me that is used to non-load bearing exercise, but whatever it is, I pretty much have never liked running.  I still don't.  Well, I have some friends who work for the UT Autism Project, and they had organized a 5k to benefit it.  Since 1) I needed to get my butt into shape, and 2) my money was going towards a cause i'm passionate for, I signed up...with only two weeks left before the actual race (oh yeah, and have I mentioned that I don't ever run?). Oops.  So with only a couple of "training" runs in, I somehow completed my first 5k.  This was only made possible by God for not letting me die, and by my friend Tiffany for doing the whole thing right next to me even though she's an experienced runner and could have lapped me.  My hips and hamstrings have been in pain, but I hope I can make myself spontaneously sign up for another one someday...(maybe next time a little more prepared though).



Tiffany and I at the end...I can't believe how normal she looks after running 3 miles.  Makes me sick ;)



The evening after the 5k was my friend Erin's bachelorette party.  We did dinner, drinks, presents, and karaoke! Perfect night.

The bride-to-be



Making a fool out of myself



Beautiful ladies



In my own wedding department, David and I took our engagement pictures! I 'm SO pumped to see how they're going to turn out.  We also mailed the invitations and booked the rehearsal dinner.  I'm on a roll...with a million more things to get done.  Less than 2 months now :)

After I finish my awful research paper, there are exciting things in store for the upcoming weekend too: my sister coming to town, bridal portraits (as long as it doesn't rain), tiff's wedding shower, my own wedding shower, and the one i'm most excited about is GOING TO THE PHOENIX CONCERT!!!  Can't wait, I might die of happiness.

There's something in the water...

Seriously people, there's something fishy going on.  If you don't want cancer, stay away from me!  But in all seriousness, there's been yet another "health issue for a loved one" incident.  Warning: like the last post, this stuff is extremely personal.   It's something very real and very current.  But i'm posting it anyway.  Why you ask?

1) Because I feel God convicting me too share.  That's the whole reason I started this blog.  Yes, I intend to share lighter posts again someday soon, but alas, that's not what i'm dealing with right now.  Hopefully my life won't always be this packed with heaviness...if it is, I fear i'll lose any current readers (if there are any current readers).

2) Writing an honest account of what's going on helps me figure out how i'm feeling about it all.  It's like free therapy.

So let's just dive right in. My finace' David is a cancer survivor.  The summer before we met (when he was 16) he was diagnosed with testicular cancer.  He had surgery to fix it and has been in remission ever since.   Honestly, in the 6 years we've been dating i've never been concerned about it.  Until last week.  Last week David came up to me and told me about some health abnormalities he'd been experiencing that concerned him.  He found a lump in his chest, and he also had some pain the region where his cancer was previously.

I expressed that he should go see a doctor A.S.A.P, but overall I remained calm on the exterior.  I didn't want to make him more worried than he might already be.  A panic-y woman never helped a situation.  Later he just kind of talked it out, and I sat there listening.  David was sure that his cancer had come back...He said cancer survivors just don't get lumps and pain that turn out to be nothing.  He makes jokes about it too, because that helps him deal with the situation.  But jokes don't help me at all.  Inside I was so scared...I  AM so scared.  On a day-to-day basis I try to be positive and just assume that nothing's wrong and that he's going to be fine.  I've been trying not to think about it as we wait for more conclusive tests results from the doctors.  But when I do stop and think about it...the the hurt that comes along with the fear is crazy.

There are so many questions racing through my mind right now.  What if David has cancer again?  What if he has to go through chemotherapy or more?  How will he finish pharmacy school?  What if we have to postpone the wedding? How will I be able to stand by and watch another person I love suffer? These kind of questions, although worrisome, I feel like I can eventually manage.  Yes it would be awful if his cancer came back, and yes our life plans would have to change or be put on hold, but I can be there to support him and we will figure it out as it comes.

The real fear hits me if I think about the extreme end of the situation.  I know that it's not healthy to think about death and things of that nature, and it's definitely not something i'm focused on, but the thought has crossed my mind.  This might sound cheesy, but there's nothing I want to do more on this earth (other than serve God) than to marry David.  I want to be his wife, and start a family with him, and grow old with him...and the thought of never even having the chance to spend my life with him...well, it's debilitating.

It really kind of hit me as I was at church last Sunday.  We were singing a song that goes:

"So I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered

All I am is Yours."

To me the big question God laid on my heart was this:  Do I trust Him enough to lose the person I love the most? I need to give God all of me, and that includes David.  Wow, all I can say is that this is tough.

In conclusion, I would like to say that I in no way, shape, or form think that David is remotely close to dying.  Please don't go bombard him and think this is the last day you'll have to spend with him, he doesn't even for sure have cancer yet.  I write about these things because it helps me deal with everything that's going on in my life:  I feel like I need to at least think briefly  about how to prepare for the worst, but I always hope for the best.  You might think it's depressing, but please don't judge me.  If anything, this has helped me not take my days on this earth and my time with people for granted.  But there might be another post on that later.

For those of you praying:  Thank you! My Dad is feeling better each day, and his check ups are going well so far.  I'm so excited!  Please continue to pray for my Aunt, she has been having fainting spells and the doctors aren't exactly sure what's causing them.  And please pray for David and that we will find out soon what's going on, and that he will have positive results.

I promise the next post will be about the happiest thing ever; cupcakes.  Seriously.